Is Martha Stewart A Stalker
August 15th, 2008 by GiGiWe found thesefunny things thatMartha Stewart may do if she’s stalking you. A little humor for the Queen of Bitches
- You get a threatening note made up of letters cut from a magazine with pinking shears, and they’re all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.
- That little tell-tale slice of lemon in the dog’s water bowl.
- On her show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen over liquorice downspout and the stuck half-open graham cracker garage door.
- You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon rose petal and saffron demi-glace with pecan crusted hearts of palm and a delicate mint fennel sauce.
- The unmistakable odor of potpourri follows you even after you’ve left the bathroom.
- You discover that every napkin in the house has been folded in the shape of a swan.
- No matter “where” you eat you discover your place setting always includes an oyster fork.
- Twice this week you’ve been the victim of a drive-by doilying.
- Your underwear drawer has been neatly organized by type and color.
- You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing in every orifice.
- You wake up one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.
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