Q:  How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light
bulb?

Woman’sAnswer:
One!
ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? because  no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb!

They don’t even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out.
And, once they figured it out, they wouldn’t be able to find the #&%!* lightbulbs despite the fact that they’ve been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS

But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!!

BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!!

IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !!

I’m sorry.

What was the question?

What’s funny now? A little humor goes a long way!

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Duh! If you’re expecting to find a date, a friend or a serious relationship, you need to wake up. A little effort is involved in the process. This is a job! You need to approach your search for a partner the same way you’d approach a search for a new job.

I know it would be great if we could order a new partner or mate like we place our take out orders at restaurants.

• I take one kind, considerate, humorous, caring lover please looking for a long term relationship
• Make him tall and athletic with abs to die for
• I’ll have a side of a large bank account
• Thanks, and oh, I’m kind of in a hurry so can you ask the chef to put in my order ASAP?

Get Off Your Ass And Get Serious. Find A Date

Most people expect that the 2 minutes they spend on submitting their profile will be enough to warrant some interest in their profile. You’re living in a dream world if you think a couple of minutes of your time will reap you any meaningful rewards.

I don’t care if you’re over 40 or over the hill, to find a date, a lover or a friend you need to go back to all those online profiles you have and write and rewrite until you’ve captured the essence of who you are and what you’re looking for……

Technorati Tags: find a date, relationship, lover, online dating, dating sites, online profiles

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The cougar or mature women seem to have eclipsed this time of their lives. What’s more [tag]sexy than having the confidence to know that you can do everything a younger woman can and probably do it better.

Cougars have confidence and wisdom working for them. Somewhere through the years the cougar has discovered that happiness is not dependent on someone else. She could give a damn about the opinions of others as she has spent too many of her younger years toeing the line. She’s looking to explore life, love and sex and what better place to do it than with someone who’s got the vitality and youth and will appreciate her.

Find Yourself A Mature Woman!

Technorati Tags: over 40, dating, kittens, relationship, cougar, mature women seem to have eclipsed this time of their lives. What’s more [tag]sexy

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The question is – Can you tell the difference between a celebrity that’s a cougar and one who’s not?

Check out this cute little cougar game and see if you can tell the difference….

Technorati Tags: cougars, celebrity

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You know those expensive beautiful dresses that you bought 15 years ago, they may still fit (go girl!) and everyone knows that a expensive, classic outfit will last for years, however it’s time you bought some trendy upscale clothes that shows the “new you”. Behaving younger just won’t cut it.

Many of us tend to get stuck with the last look that we really understood and go on working it. We feel comfortable with the look, it hides our body flaws and though not at the height of fashion refuse to move out of the 80’s or 90’s.

Let’s face it, smocks, vest tops, neon colors and skinny jeans may be all the rage, but they probably should not be in your wardrobe. Your goal here is to give the world the impression that you’re a sophisticated woman. Dress like one.

Younger, trendy clothes doesn’t mean you’re looking for the same look as those hard bodied teens who insist on showing the world their navels. What is possibly more pitiful is middle-aged woman trying to remain young by wearing what the “kids” are wearing. What you don’t realize is that what they are really doing is pointing out, quite visibly, that you aren’t a kid any more. Trying to look 20 when you’re 45 will make you the butt of jokes, but there’s no reason that you can’t chop 10 years off your look with a fashion statement.

You also need to forget the idea that it’s okay to wear certain things when you’re a certain age. When I was 30 I didn’t have to read a fashion magazine to know what I wanted to wear: But most of us over 50 and over 40 as well, find this instinct fades as we age and takes with it that confidence that seems to be in the possession of younger women as they sashay into the room just knowing they’ve got it right.

Take those classic rags and donate them to Goodwill. You’re going to be amazed at just how young you’ll feel in a new outfit.

Lastly, if you really want to look younger, invest in a hairstyle overhaul. Modernizing that reliable haircut you’ve had for a while will take more years off you than a miniskirt. And you’ll keep your self-respect, too.

Technorati Tags: relationship, may to december romance, younger man, middle-aged, over 50, over 40

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Those rewards are not only tangible, she says, but human: “I have a wonderful marriage, I have three wonderful daughters, I have an incredible extended family, and I have loving, wonderful friends.“

As a result, she says, “when I look back in the mirror, the reflection I see isn’t so bad, because I’m seeing the beauty of my whole being and my whole life.”

I think Demi’s been spending too much time at the damm mystic Kabbalah Centre (a controversial California-based organization which alleges that it teaches Kabbalah, a form of Jewish mysticism) she and Ashton frequent.

The famous sky high salary actress of “Ghost” fame needed to spend hundreds of thousands on plastic surgery only to discover what any mature woman could have told her.

Technorati Tags: Demi Moore, Kabbalah, Ghost, plastic surgery, mature woman

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Everyone is well aware of the meaning of Sugar Daddy, where a cute little 18 year old bimbo is dating a over 40 or over 50 guy. This dating scenario has been going on for thousands of years. It’s ingrained in our psyche and barely an eyebrow is raised at a relationship where the woman is young enough to be the man’s daughter.

Our society is slowly becoming aware of the term cougar or urban cougar. An over 40 woman aggressively looks to a younger man for a relationship. Basically it’s the backbone of this website. Older mature women are discovering what their male counterparts have known for years.

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Courtney Cox and David Arquette, Madonna and Guy Ritchie are just a few of the female celebrities that have chosen younger men. Age has little to do with attraction. What draws two people together is a combination of forces that defy any age barrier.

Technorati Tags: Sugar Daddy, over 50, dating, cougar, urban cougar, over 40, relationship, Older mature women, Demi Moore, Courtney Cox, Madonna

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“Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.” -Richard Bach

A couple of weeks ago, a TV morning show did a segment on dating for women over 40. The gist? After 39 you have a better chance of winning Powerball than of finding a man who’d actually want to date somebody so old, crotchety, and utterly undesirable.

The subject of the piece was a recently divorced 44-year-old who’s been trying to land herself a new man, with no success. The kicker? She was an absolutely gorgeous woman.

She dated an oil magnate in his 60s, who had the audacity to tell her she was just too old for him. “Why must you go out with much younger women?” she asked. “Because I can,” came the answer.

The perky TV hostess chimed in, claiming that she knew of one rich and successful geezer who has a rule about the women he dates: Half his age plus seven years.

Watching this, I could understand how women would be sucked into believing that no man in his right mind would dream of dating a woman over 40. But then I did a reality check: I don’t know any man who wouldn’t (and some of those men are well under 40!).

The fact is, if you think you’re too old to attract a good man, you are. Don’t let yourself be lulled into the middle aged mindset (what is middle age, by the way, and when exactly does it begin?). You know you’ve bought into it when you start telling yourself you can’t do the things you used to anymore, that your best years are behind you, and you’d better not hit the singles scene without a trip to the plastic surgeon first.

It’s just not true!

My very good (and handsome, smart, and fun-loving) friend was 37 when his 15-year relationship ended. After a reasonable mourning period, he dated a 41-year-old woman steadily and happily for at least two years. That relationship ended when she relocated to another state for her career. About six months later, he began dating a woman just one year his junior (instead of a 20-year-old with a belly ring) and eventually proposed to her. They remain very happily married three years later.

My friend’s mother was widowed in her 50s. After a couple of years, she met and wed a man her age. They were married over 20 years when he died two years ago; at the time, she was well into her 70s. At a graduation party for her granddaughter last summer, men her age lined up to dance with her. (They definitely weren’t pity dances, either). She’s vital, attractive, and clearly enjoys life. Men (the ones who view women as humans instead of hood ornaments, anyway) appreciate that.

Then there’s Kay, a 48-year-old real estate agent, who thought she’d never meet a decent guy (I have known Kay for decades; she dated a parade of creeps and nice but boring guys). She’s the type of woman who hits the Y to do a few laps before work. After five, she often hops the train to New York to catch a musical or a concert. She had pretty much given up on love when she met Barry, a 50-something podiatrist, three years ago.

Last week, she called me with fantastic news. “He wants to marry me,” she said, “and I’ve decided to go for it. I’ve given him ample opportunity to hit the highway, but he won’t go away. And I’m crazy about him.”

So, you’re never too old for love. The key is to allow yourself to stay young and attractive forever. Here’s how:

1) Turn off the TV. Stop allowing yourself to be assaulted by messages that make you feel you’re old, fat, ugly, and just plain not good enough for love and happiness.

2) Forbid yourself from making the following statements (I know women who started at 25): “I can’t do that because I’m older now,” “Well, it comes with age, I guess,” “I always wanted to be a __________, but it’s too late.” In other words, refuse to let your age stop you from doing anything.

3) Learn something new every day. Book a flight (or go to the library and take out a travel video about a place you’ve always wanted to visit). Learn how to change a tire. Stop and say hello to your neighbors instead of giving a perfunctory wave and buzzing past them. Learn to dance. Take up yoga. Learn a second language.

4) Use an affirmation. I know a man who spent his entire adult life joking, “I’m younger than springtime,” whenever somebody suggested he was getting on in years. At 74, he’s in excellent health, is considered handsome by women of all ages (sorry, women under 68, you’re not seasoned enough for him!), and may begin a new career because he finds retirement boring.

If you leave your house with the attitude that you’re past your prime, trust me, people will agree with you. And if you go out on a date wondering if you’re “too old for this guy,” you’ll give off the I-know-you’re-going-to-reject-me vibe that ensures you will indeed be cast aside for someone bubblier and more confident.

If you should ever find yourself out with a guy who seems turned off by your age, thank your lucky stars that you saw the poor schmo for what he is from the start: Shallow, ignorant, and more than a little sad. The world is full of wonderful men who want to meet a woman they don’t have to help with their homework.

About the Author

Terry Hernon MacDonald is the happily married author of “How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams.” Sign up for her free dating ezine at http://www.marrysmart.com . Visit her blog at http://happygirlmusing.blogspot.com .

Technorati Tags: dating for women, over 40, finding a man, divorced, younger women, over 40, singles scene, plastic surgeon

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