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I’ve always dreamed about giving Martha Stewart a good smack. It’s not that I have anything against someone who does everything perfectly and I certainly could use some one to organize my sad tacky little life, it’s just that she appears so smug and all knowing about everything.I like to think I have a decent sense of humor, but by the time I finish writing this stupid little piece, Martha will have built a tool shed in her back yard and taken her dogs roller blading with her while she picks blueberries.

These are some of the reasons why I hate Martha Stewart:

• she doesn’t order take out pizza and has ordered it only once.
• she doesn’t own a microwave
• she obviously owns too many gardening tools
• she makes her own Christmas gifts -”Last year, I made amazing silk-lined scarves for everyone” (What happened to picking up a little something at WalMart?)
• she says her most glamorous friends are “interested in stain removal, how
  to iron a monogram, and how to fold a towel.” (My friends are interested in the corns on their feet, how to do away with the iron and finding a towel that’s not stained with hair dye.)
• she lets the world think she’s America’s No. 1 WASP (She’s actually Catholic and Polish)
• Martha attendedGoogle’s National Sales Conference recently and proceeded to have founders, Sergey Brin and Larry Page, to help her make a batch of Cherry Mojitos. (Is business down for Google that they need to bring in the Queen of Domesticity to entertain their troops?)
• she was named one of America’s 25 most influential people by Time magazine. (The quality of the list is in question since they once named Rosie O’Donnell)

As the great one once said herself:

You know, in China they say, ‘The thinner the chopsticks, the higher the social status.’ Of course, I got the thinnest I could find…..that’s why people hate me.

On second thought rather than slap her across her snooty little face, I’d like to give her a kick in the ass.

Technorati Tags: Martha Stewart, humor, Google, Cherry Mojitos, Time magazine

Comedienne Rosie O’Donnell has topped Parade magazine poll to be found the most annoying celebrity. Rosie won 44 per cent of the vote - leading her closest contender, Paris Hilton, by 20 per cent in the survey.

The Queen of Big Mouths again manages to surprise me. I’d have thought the percentage would have been higher!

Another big mouth, American TV personality and author Ann Coulter came in third place with 16 per cent.

You can tell the poll wasn’t done in the United Kingdom as Sir Paul McCartney’s ex-wife Heather Mills only took fourth place with 12 per cent.

It’s no wonder these ageing celebs are in our Babes We Love To Hate category

Technorati Tags: Rosie O’Donnell, Ann Coulter, Paul McCartney, Heather Mills