Dedicated To Mature Women & Older Women Younger Men Relationships

We found thesefunny things thatMartha Stewart may do if she’s stalking you. A little humor for the Queen of Bitches

• You get a threatening note made up of letters cut from a magazine with pinking shears, and they’re all the same size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-sharp rows.
• That little tell-tale slice of lemon in the dog’s water bowl.
• On her show she makes a gingerbread house that looks exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen over liquorice downspout and the stuck half-open graham cracker garage door.
• You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite tarragon rose petal and saffron demi-glace with pecan crusted hearts of palm and a delicate mint fennel sauce.
• The unmistakable odor of potpourri follows you even after you’ve left the bathroom.
• You discover that every napkin in the house has been folded in the shape of a swan.
• No matter “where” you eat you discover your place setting always includes an oyster fork.
• Twice this week you’ve been the victim of a drive-by doilying.
• Your underwear drawer has been neatly organized by type and color.
• You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive stuffing in every orifice.
• You wake up one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at your temple.

 

Technorati Tags: funny, Martha Stewart, humor

For those who have a love/hate relationship with talented actress Sarah Jessica Parker, they’ll be thrilled to hear the latest rumor.

It’s being spread throughout the gossip community that her husband Matthew Broderick was caught cheating on her earlier this year.

Star Magazine alleges Broderick had a liaison with the unnamed 25-year-old woman from November to February while Sarah was shooting the big screen film, Sex And The City.

Sources say the woman felt conflicted with her relationship with Matthew, whom she nicknamed “Matty Cakes.”

I find it hard to believe that there is someone else out there who finds Broderick appealing enough to lay. Her nickname for him says it all!

Technorati Tags: actress, Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick, cheating, Star Magazine

Tacky Sexy Suzanne Somers

You know you don’t want to see this, the never ending Suzanne Somers once again gives me another reason to put her on our Women We Love To Hate list…..

Sexy Suzanne manages to show us her private parts while selling one of her tacky dresses on HSN

Trust me you don’t want to see this unless you have a Love To Hate list too with Suzanne’s name on it…

Technorati Tags: Suzanne Somers

Now I ask you anyone who would sleep with the nerd in this picture Matthew Broderick seems to have made an art out of looking like the guy we all teased in High School.

It’s a well know fact that Sarah Jessica Parker has a love-hate relationship with the media. She’s been bitching about the raw deal the media has given her in recent months. Is it any wonder? What woman would appear in public with someone dressed like this?

SJP apparently was devastated when she was voted the Unsexiest Woman Alive by Maxim magazine. Someone should give her an award for marrying the nerdiest guy in Hollywood.

Who the hell dresses this man. I’d like to think that Matthew dresses himself and didn’t get any help from his award winning actress wife of 11 years.
He must be a good lay!

Technorati Tags: Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, love, hate, relationship, Unsexiest Woman Alive, Maxim, award, Hollywood, award winning actress

I’ve always dreamed about giving Martha Stewart a good smack. It’s not that I have anything against someone who does everything perfectly and I certainly could use some one to organize my sad tacky little life, it’s just that she appears so smug and all knowing about everything.I like to think I have a decent sense of humor, but by the time I finish writing this stupid little piece, Martha will have built a tool shed in her back yard and taken her dogs roller blading with her while she picks blueberries.

These are some of the reasons why I hate Martha Stewart:

• she doesn’t order take out pizza and has ordered it only once.
• she doesn’t own a microwave
• she obviously owns too many gardening tools
• she makes her own Christmas gifts -”Last year, I made amazing silk-lined scarves for everyone” (What happened to picking up a little something at WalMart?)
• she says her most glamorous friends are “interested in stain removal, how
  to iron a monogram, and how to fold a towel.” (My friends are interested in the corns on their feet, how to do away with the iron and finding a towel that’s not stained with hair dye.)
• she lets the world think she’s America’s No. 1 WASP (She’s actually Catholic and Polish)
• Martha attendedGoogle’s National Sales Conference recently and proceeded to have founders, Sergey Brin and Larry Page, to help her make a batch of Cherry Mojitos. (Is business down for Google that they need to bring in the Queen of Domesticity to entertain their troops?)
• she was named one of America’s 25 most influential people by Time magazine. (The quality of the list is in question since they once named Rosie O’Donnell)

As the great one once said herself:

You know, in China they say, ‘The thinner the chopsticks, the higher the social status.’ Of course, I got the thinnest I could find…..that’s why people hate me.

On second thought rather than slap her across her snooty little face, I’d like to give her a kick in the ass.

Technorati Tags: Martha Stewart, humor, Google, Cherry Mojitos, Time magazine

Every now and then you run across a blog with the same sentiments as you. I couldn’t pass up this opportunity. The blog itself is at present a little bare, but hopefully they’ll get on the band wagon.

Another Ann Coulter non fan

Technorati Tags: Ann Coulter

A little humor about our beloved Martha Stewart - one of the babes we love to hate….

Monday, 9:00 a.m.

Hi Loretta,

This perfectly delightful note is being sent on paper I made myself to tell you what I have been up to. Since it snowed last night, I got up early and made a sled with old barn wood and a glue gun. I hand painted it in gold leaf, got out my loom, and made a blanket in peaches and mauves. Then to make the sled complete, I made a white horse to pull it from DNA that I just had sitting around in my craft room.

By then, it was time to start making the place mats and napkins for my 20 breakfast guests. I’m serving the old standard Stewart twelve-course breakfast, but I’ll let you in on a little secret: I didn’t have time to make the table and chairs this morning, so I used the ones I had on hand.

Before I moved the table into the dining room, I decided to add just a touch of the holidays. So, I repainted the room in pinks and stenciled gold stars on the ceiling. Then, while the homemade bread was rising, I took antique candle moulds and made the dishes (exactly the same shade of pink) to use for breakfast. These were made from Hungarian clay, which you can get in almost any Hungarian craft store.

Well, I must run. I need to finish the buttonholes on the dress I’m wearing for breakfast. I’ll get out the sled and drive this note to the post office as soon as the glue dries on the envelope I’ll be making. Hope my breakfast guests don’t stay too long — I have 40,000 cranberries to string with bay leaves before my speaking engagement at noon. It’s a good thing.

Love,

Martha Stewart

P. S. When I made the ribbon for this typewriter, I used 1/8-inch gold guaze. I soaked the guaze in a mixture of white grapes and blackberries which I grew, picked, and crushed last week just for fun.

Technorati Tags: humor, Martha Stewart

BoyToy or GirlToy -  I’m as confused as hell.

On the heels of a ruling that struck down California’s laws against gay marriage, Ellen DeGeneres announced her plans to wed longtime girl-toy, Portia de Rossi. Ellen, 50, and her longtime love (since 2004 which can be “longtime” by Hollywood Standards), Portia who’s 35, made the announcement before Ellen’s cheering audience.

The California’s Supreme Court ruled that people have a fundamental “right to marry” the partner of their choosing – therefore the previous ban on gay marriage was ruled unconstitutional.

One key to their happiness, DeGeneres said last year, is that they learn from one another. “She’s taught me lessons about myself, and I feel like I’ve taught her,” said the TV host. “We’ve both changed and grown, and we just feel like, ‘Oh, okay, this is completion.’ ”

Seems to me Ellen had similar things to say about wierd Anne Heche at one time!

Technorati Tags: BoyToy, GirlToy, girl-toy

Anne Heche reportedly said of her marriage to cameraman, Coleman Laffon whom she married in 2001. “I have a blessed situation in my life, my husband is a stay-at-home dad. We chose to have a baby and chose to be together as a family. “Coley and my son Homer, go with me everywhere; that’s why I wanted to do a TV Show. I wanted to give my family a stable life and give them an opportunity to build a life, although mommy is an actress.”

So much for that bullshit!

Anne and her Men In Treesco-star and forever soul mate Canadian born[/tag]James Tupper[/tag], dumped their respective spouses for each other. Now that the series is history, what will happen to their fairy tale romance?

Anne’s finances it seems have taken a nose dive since the cancellation of the show and she apparently now can’t afford to support her stay at home hubby.

Who the hell would name their child Homer? Of course who the hell would marry someone with a name like Coleman Laffon?

Technorati Tags: Anne Heche, actress, Men In Trees, Canadian, stay at home, Coleman Laffon

Poor weird Annie - Anne Heche says she can no longer afford to pay the nearly $15,000-a-month in child and spousal support because she’s unemployed after the cancellation of Men In Trees.

In a court declaration, Heche indicated her financial straits were dire and that she can no longer afford to pay the $14,798 in monthly support, along with private school tuition for her 6-year-old son Homer, the mortgage on her house in Canada where Men In Trees filmed, rent on her Los Angeles home and car expenses.

“Since January 18, 2008, I have been unemployed and had no income from employment except for one very short-term contract for a movie role.

Anne might stand a better chance of getting out of the support payments if she went back to her old “I’m Crazy” routine.

She made claims in television interviews and in her autobiography, Call Me Crazy, that she was mentally ill for the first 31 years of her life. She also claimed to have an alter ego that was the daughter of God and half-sibling of Jesus named “Celestia,” who had contacts with extraterrestrial life forms. In her book, she explained that before her split with DeGeneres, she was contacted by “God” and told He would walk with her for seven days.

I think the judge might be a little more sympathetic if “Celestia” applied for a little give in her monthly expenses.

Technorati Tags: Anne Heche, Men In Trees